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If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I`ll have the poo-poo platter

My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class

Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass

I said guys I`m like you I like Monster Trucks too

Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?

I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be

Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo

phony

Maybe it`s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity

But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry

Scoring with a super model would be easy

Cause `super model` means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with

`super dumb`

Ya see I`d be a good listener so she`d treat me like a sister and soon

I`d become

That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair

No it wouldn`t be a week before I`m in her underwear

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

Doesn`t matter what I`m packin` in my denim it`s what`s in my genes

The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy

Dean

See I`m not to keen on the smell of Vaseline

No I`m not Princess Di and I don`t wanna be a queen

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I`d have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis

Hang out with my mom`s hair stylist his name is Kip he`s got a lisp he

talks like this

And wear my mother`s lingerie learn the songs of Broadway

And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

And I don`t shave my heiny

Don`t shave my heiny

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I`ll have the poo-poo platter

My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class

Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass

I said guys I`m like you I like Monster Trucks too

Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?

I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be

Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo

phony

Maybe it`s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity

But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry

Scoring with a super model would be easy

Cause `super model` means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with

`super dumb`

Ya see I`d be a good listener so she`d treat me like a sister and soon

I`d become

That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair

No it wouldn`t be a week before I`m in her underwear

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

Doesn`t matter what I`m packin` in my denim it`s what`s in my genes

The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy

Dean

See I`m not to keen on the smell of Vaseline

No I`m not Princess Di and I don`t wanna be a queen

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I`d have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis

Hang out with my mom`s hair stylist his name is Kip he`s got a lisp he

talks like this

And wear my mother`s lingerie learn the songs of Broadway

And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don`t dig

Chicks that don`t dig guys like me

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

And I don`t shave my heiny

Don`t shave my heiny

See I`m not queer I`m too ugly

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